HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
