Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
