What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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