I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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