That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
