I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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