I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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