I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
