I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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