doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
