I skipped work to stalk him.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
