Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm at about main and main street
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
