i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
