Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
