This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
