why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
