This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
