Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
