If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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