He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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