Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Houston, we have a blender
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
that may or may not have been my penis.
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