I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
