saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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