I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
