I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
