i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
