I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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