I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
