It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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