you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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