On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
