new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
