I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I will be naked everywhere
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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