Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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