Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
