guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
