I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
