gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
