Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
vagina is talking i cant
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
