The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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