Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
