The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
