1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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