Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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