I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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