he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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