As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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