Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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