I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
