Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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